Chemo #3 was a challenge - more so because I let the canser play with my head this time. The physical side effects were no worse than last time, not really anyway, but the error I made was allowing myself to ruminate about all things negative. It's funny, I remember the time I spent in the hospital, recovering from surgery and how I was so busy dealing with the physical pain that I couldn't even begin to process the emotional stuff that was bubbling just below the surface. These days, the immediate physical issues are manageable - amazing what becomes a new "everyday normal"...what gets tricky is convincing myself that this is all happening for a reason, that not IF, but WHEN I beat this I will appreciate my life so much more.
Every single night I find myself thinking maybe if I just sleep long enough, I will wake up and this will all have been just a bad dream. But every morning is the same, I wake up and it's all too real and I have to remember. The heart starts racing and I have to find a way to calm it. Today I took great comfort in a gift of hope and a phrase that I had never heard before...."canser is a word, not a sentence." Thank you Myra...it's that kind of hopeful mantra that puts my back on the rails to "Warrior Barbie".
Over the past week, I have once again received some beautiful gifts, cards and messages.
Dawn, you never cease to make me giggle - and you are so right, you wouldn't be you without throwing in a little God-talk now and then - and I love it. Don't ever change...
And just this morning I got the sweetest Facebook message from on old friend that I hadn't heard from in over three years, and it totally made my day. It was so good to hear from you M. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go ravage a bowl of oatmeal. ;-)
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