Ontari-ari-o Bound

Just a quick note to let everyone know that I am headed to Cambridge tomorrow morning first thing. I will be back Sunday, June 10th.  Have a super week! Hugs to all...

Little known fact: The Canadian Loonie has 11 Sides and I've had 11 Chemos.

So does that make me LOONIE for saying that I had an incredibly good day? On Chemo-Day #11? We had the first warm AND sunny day in Saskatoon in recent memory.  Chantelle was sweet enough to take me the the Canser Clinic this morning and Kristie and Soph were sweet enough to meet us even though they had been up since 5am.  Even though poor Mommy looked tired, she stopped at Tim's for a decaf for her, and a coffee and muffin for me.  The four of us had a hoot! I've said it before - having kids or dog's around really negates the need for television. Kristie is so fun to watch parent because is in a way so laid back, but takes no guff from her two year old either.  I find Sophie highly entertaining, with her big vocabulary and bigger personality.  She gave me some great cuddles and kisses and hugs and let "Chantelley" zerbert her tummy at her leisure. Today's Chemo team:

Old Faithful - there whenever she can be...

Old Faithful 2 - also there whenever she can be...but today was Soph's first time.

Soph being there REALLY lightened the mood.

I should send a huge shout out to Patty at the Canser centre, I pre-warned her about the number of visitors I was going to have and she made a point of giving me a private room.  Once again, sometimes membership has it's privileges!

After Kris and Sophie left, my buddy Cam brought our boss, Michelle for a good visit. Wow, I haven't had THIS many visiters since Chemo #1! Chantelle had to head out to make some calls, so Cam and Michelle stayed with me until I was done...

Takeda - Portion of the chemo team...we obviously didn't co-ordinate out colors!

Then they took me for dim-sum at the Genesis. I can't even remember the last time I saw Michelle OR ate lunch at the Genesis....and being a little bit stoned made the experience that much more special! Who else can admit they are half cranked while hanging with their manager, can't remember half of what either of us said and then chirp about it on the internet? Joking aside, I can't express how supportive my whole Takeda team has been, most especially Michelle and Cam. The two of them have taken on a tonne of extra work since my sick leave started and have given me the peace of mind to focus on my health these past months, rather than focusing on work. Let's not forget Pam, who has called almost every day to make me laugh and made the road trip twice, Kendal who is constantly sending me voice notes of her singing to "Don't Stop Believing"  by Journey and Jason who text messages me to let me know whenever he is donating blood.  Some of the best people I know. 

They dropped me off and I headed straight to bed and called Spankers to see how things are going in Winnipeg and I would LOVE to tell you, but I was in a post-chemo fog and don't remember a thing about the conversation. Dumb. She's going to get a kick out of that, I guarantee it. I think I might even have spoken to Pam in the afternoon, but even that is a little fuzzy. After the sleep that really wasn't, (Bailey was snoring like an over weight truck driver with sleep apnea and a belly full of beer.) I woke up with a grump on. I wasn't feeling fantastic and the sleep was in no way uninterrupted, but lucky for me, my good day didn't end there. Tim called and busted my hump until he had me laughing and happy again.  He's so good. Then I called Dad-dio and had a great time on the phone with him too. Soon after my friend Dave from Ontario called, I haven't see him since last Spring, so it was great to catch up and chat. We are going through a similar situation these days, he's just about 5 months behind me.  Again, it is always good to have a big support team, but no one can understand what you are going through more than someone else who is facing it as well.

Then, two really good friends popped by - thank you Phil and Mardi, you made my month. It was SO good to see you both and just talk and laugh. I am lucky enough to see Mardi about once a month or so, but this was the first time I have seen Phil in almost 3.5 years. You two look good and healthy and were a sight for sore eyes. Please, don't be strangers.

One other thing, I got a lot of great text messages and BBM's today, cheering me on and just letting me know they are thinking of me. You know who you are Ladies and Gents, and it means the world to me and makes me remember I am in no way alone in this fight. Hugs.

Seriously, is it 1am? How did THAT happen and better yet, how am I going to possibly get moving before noon tomorrow?  I have a few errands to run in the morning and then plan to spend the day in doing laundry, packing and walking the dog. Busy, busy...

Better sign off. Good Night Everyone!

And Saskatoon Continues to Grow....

Ok, so to be honest I had no intention of updating the blog tonight. It is late and I have to get up with the birds tomorrow for blood work and an update with my oncologist, however I am awake and don't see sleep as an option in the immediate future. That being said, I have taken a sleeping pill so I am hoping this will be a short post. 

I woke up this morning, after several epic-type and incredibly real-seeming dreams to feel the best physically that I have in several weeks. I FINALLY felt like I was leaving the cold in my rear view mirror and got up with an energy that I can only describe as a close facsimile of what life was like B.C. (Before-canser).  Again, Bailey and I went for an hour long walk and although the weather wasn't what I would have ordered, she tends to fair better with these cooler temperatures. And by that I mean, she wasn't huffing and puffing and scaring me into thinking she would have a coronary on the corner of Kenderdine and Horlick Road. (Real name, I swear)

After getting home, Chantelle picked me up, we went for lunch and then hit the mall with the idea of doing some returns for her and picking up a few summer items that actually FIT me. And wouldn't you know it, RW & Co. FINALLY opened a store in good ole' Saskatoon! Wow! A Sephora, Guess, Aeropostal, Bench AND RW all in 6 months? All of a sudden I am overwhelmed with options - it was dizzying. Thanks to the Grand Opening sales, I was able to walk out with a whole new summer wardrobe and very little guilt. Why does it even surprise me anymore? One of Chantelle's claims to fame is that she is an amazing shopper, not only for herself but for anyone who might be so lucky to go WITH her.  Next excursion? A one piece bathing suit that will A) cover my scar and B) not make me look like a gramma or a 10 year old boy.  Let's see how good she REALLY is, shall we?


A few shout outs for the week: first of all to Tim, who is always incredible, but tonight outdid himself. We had a hoot on Skype, (which isn't easy to do after almost two years of relying on it as a primary source of communication) and had the best laughs we have had since visiting Olson last week in Winnipeg.  Man, is his laugh infectious, it gets me every time. Thanks too to Bink, for the very sweet and very timely card. I received it on a particularly tough day and it definitely brightened my spirits. Thank you my good friend.  And a final thank you to Barb, my new mother-in-law, who always makes me feel so welcomed and loved by the Bender-clan.  


Better hit the sheets, less than 6 hours before the alarm goes off. Yikes. It reminds me of what life was like when I actually had a job. Good night all!

Raspberry Beer and Good Friends....

Wow, I had a great day yesterday! It took me awhile to get going yesterday morning because I had been on the phone the night before with Nistor until almost midnight, so I didn't haul my butt out of bed until almost 11am.  However, it was the BEST I have felt since my last chemo treatment, so I was able to take Bailey for a nice long walk. Took some pictures of the beauty of Saskatoon-suburban nature:

Poor little guy was a little nervous of Baily...

Speaking of nervous, I found two HUGE piles of scat in the ArborCreek river park area, so I came to the conclusion that either someone has a bullmastiff that they aren't cleaning up after, OR there is a damn bear on the loose and I needed to get the he** out of there before Bailey and I became breakfast for Yogi.

In the afternoon, Chantelle and I went over to visit our friends, the Wosminity's, to meet their new baby Aiden and see their lovely new home. What started out as a short visit, turned into a BBQ and dinner.  First of all, Jason and Tonya are really one of the most welcoming couples I know.  The very first thing he did was pour me a Coors light with raspberry syrup. I thought it was a crazy idea, but Sonya explained to me that it is a Ukrainian thing and very refreshing, and I have to say - it might have been the tastiest beer I have ever had. We got some baby cuddles, puppy cuddles and Chantelle got Carson cuddles.  He completely fell for her charms, and by the end was sitting on the floor with his arms wrapped around her leg.  I *might* have been a little jealous, BUT it was SO cute I was wishing for my camera. Bah! Why do I go anywhere without it? Oh well, will have to use some older ones on file:

Impossible NOT to love a family who are so dedicated to the Green Guys....

New Baby Aiden - absolutely gorgeous, isn't he?

I have been so lucky to have Jason, Tonya and Sonya in my life, especially these last months.  Jason has kept me going with the healthy and amazing food he has delivered for me after all my chemo treatments. They are all so supportive and truly, just some of the most genuine people you will ever meet.

Cheers to Dad-dio

All, it's been a few days since I updated - it's been a rough week for a variety of reasons with which I have no need to bore you. However, today I got up enough gumption to go out and spend the day with Dad and Dorothy. And I have to say that I just feel so incredibly lucky to have them in my life.  
My Dad really is one of the kindest-hearted men I have ever met - at least where I am concerned, and really, what else matters these days more to me than me?  ;-)  This whole illness has caused him so many sleepless nights, so many tears and so much fear and it really is one of the hardest things for me - to see him struggle to keep it together for me.  But he has been incredible , I think there might have been a only handful of days in the last 7 months that we haven't seen each other or spoken on the phone.  (As you may or may not know he typically calls me most days around 5:30pm so he doesn't interrupt my daily dose of Y&R.) He took care of me in the hospital when Tim couldn't be there. He spent weeks and weeks with me during the early (and very worst) chemo treatments. He took care of me on days when I was nothing short of a nasty little shrew who snapped at him for the tiniest things. He saw me at my worst, on days when we both thought I wouldn't survive the year.  And he was always there with a hug, a shoulder to cry on and sometimes just a hand to hold when I was scared. I am writing all this for a couple of reasons.  He recently took off my hands what would surely have been a very stressful situation and took care of it so that I wouldn't have to deal with it - because as all the canser guru's preach, CANSER + STRESS=BAD. I have just been feeling lately like he's not getting enough credit as a major player on Team James, so it's time to show him off a bit:

Wow, how's that for a height differential with the son in law?

The Bender Cuddle, should be patented. It really IS that good.

Dorothy and "the kids".

These pics were all taken on my Dad's camera last fall, before I got sick.  I just saw them for the first time yesterday, so decided to steal the disc they were on and take a few for myself. And wouldn't you know it? The flash didn't work on the one picture of me and Dad. Pisser.

Day 8

Ok, so it's becoming obvious to me that as this chemo thing goes on, my side effects seem to be delayed and seem to last longer. Awesome. I did feel MUCH better today than yesterday, but that's not saying much.  I was able to go out and get a few errands done this morning, but it left me so tired that I spent all afternoon sleeping.  Luckily the weather was absolutely gross, so I didn't miss much.
I had a very nice lunch with Kris and Soph at Prairie Ink.  It's been WEEKS since I saw Kris, so was good to catch up and Sophie was as cute and precocious as ever.  
I had a quick appointment with my GP this afternoon to get some prescriptions refilled and to see what she thinks about this cold that has been lingering for oh, let's see...15 days now?  It started with larynigitis but has become a constant sore throat/sinus thing that can really piss off anytime.  She said she thinks it's a viral thing and to just use a sinus rinse and nasal spray for a few days, and that if it doesn't go away to take the antibiotics she has put on hold for me at the pharmacy. Super.  Except I can't find the frigging netty (sp?) ((too lazy to look it up)) pot because A) I haven't used it in three years and B) It's not a pleasant experience to use it.  Guess I will have to restart the hunt tomorrow. 
I then went to Popeye's (at Tim's urging - he's so smart) to buy a protein powder specifically for gaining weight and muscle mass.  Cookies n' cream flavor. Sound good? Nope. Wrong. Not great but I will drink it and see what it does because after all the food I ate this weekend and beer I drank, one would think that I had gained weight. Nope. Wrong again.  Lost 3 lbs.  If that scale doesn't start cooperating, it's OUT!  
Also, I am getting so frustrated about being so stupid. Seriously, I missed two exits today and ended up on the North end without even realizing it. Not sure if that means I shouldn't be driving, but whatever.  
Tonight was a TV night for me as Tim was prepping for his field day tomorrow. I'm a little embarrassed to bring this up but MAN, is Phil Phillips ever good! I would buy his album tomorrow! Then the season finale of Glee (which I don't typically watch) was SO GOOD and made me cry like a baby. Have I mentioned that I have been a wee bit emotional lately?  
Ok, that's it for my rant tonight. I'm looking forward to coffee with the girls in the morning. WAHOO!!!!! That mean's there is a mocha latte and fruit explosion in my immediate future. Good night everybody!

Weekend Update....

This is how I feel today:

I'm not sure if the weekend caught up with me or what, but have I ever been feeling "off"  all day. I slept for almost 13 hours last night, then spent most of the day in my pj's on the sofa feeling like garbage. I am tired of feeling tired, tired of this sore throat, tired of mouth sores, tired of the abdominal pain and tired of not gaining any weight. I had some really vivid and disturbing dreams last night, which is a side effect of the LDN - and they put me in a grumpy mood for the day.

All that being said, I had a lovely weekend. I am going to apologize right up front to all my Winnipeg friends (other than Nance), because Tim and I slipped into town for a few days and didn't tell anyone.  I was three days post-chemo, Nancy just started radiation and Kenny just had eye surgery - so we were all exhausted and spent most of the weekend lazing around her condo.  I did get to see Nancy's family though - it was SO good to see them again after almost two years. And I absolutely fell in love with Geoff and Mandy's pup, Louis:

How cute is he????

Excuse me, Louie! Nance just texted me to bust my hump on the spelling. This coming from the girl who at one time wrote "Toilet Barb" on her grocery list. Anyway, he is just the sweetest little thing and a third the weight of Bailey! I think she needs to go on a diet.  And I think I have ALMOST convinced Tim that we need TWO dogs! Ha!  

So, the pics we got this weekend weren't very flattering, so I thought I would add one from the good old drinkin' days in Halifax.  Look at all those rye n' waters!

I have to say, I LOVE that Tim 'gets' our humor and laughs so much at our kabitzing - it can only mean one thing:

One more thing. Happy Birthday Panda! Wishing you an incredibly happy day...

Happy Birthday Bobby!

Happy Happy Birthday Bob! Hope you are having a fantastic day! 

 

The "10" Commandments

Ok People,
Today was chemo #10 and today's team consisted of Parch who drove me to chemo, grabbed me a tall green tea and spent the morning with me until after 11am. I was really tired, so he left and I snoozed on and off until my treatment was done at 1pm. I finished JUST as Nasher walked in to pick me up. Love those boys for taking care of me when Tim and my girls can't be here.  I took the Magic Mouthwash with me and Parch managed to pry it open for me. The day was pretty good - great nurses and no nausea today. YAY!

SO recently I found out yet ANOTHER friend of mine, close in age to me was recently diagnosed with Stage 3 Colon canser. WTH? This is just getting ridiculous. SO I thought I would take this opportunity to list my TOP TEN ways to deal with chemo:

1. Keep a hopeful and positive mindset as much as possible - it is key for healing and immune boosting - and do that by doing what you love. For me it is spending time with people I enjoy - specifically my Inner Circle. I have heard for others it is catching up on their reading while enjoying a Starbucks at Chapters. 

2. Ativan, Ativan, Ativan - whether you are asleep or stoned, it helps to prevent over-thinking but is also a good way to fast-forward your way through the nasty side effects.

3. EMEND, EMEND, EMEND - the best anti-nausea med on the market. Enuff said.

4. Find someone you can talk to, who has been through the same or a similar situation.  It helps so much to have someone to kabitz with, cry with, get angry with and problem-solve with.

5. Drink as much water (with lemon) as you can get in you the day of and the few days after chemo to flush you kidneys.

6. Eat as clean as you can, but for God's sake, EAT! Keep your weight and strength up.  Freshly squeezed vegetable juices, Japanese green tea, edamame beans and miso soup are all very good for you.  And move your body as much as you can - walk, run, work-out, bike, whatever.  I personally feel that as long as I am moving, I CAN'T be dying. 

7. Regularly clean your door handles, light switches, toilet handles, phones, computers and steering wheel with anti-bacterial wipes - it is so important to avoid bacteria and viruses, especially around Day 5 and the few days after.

8. Take at least 5000 I.U. of Vitamin D per day, as should your spouse to avoid getting sick.

9. Allow yourself bad days. They will come and you can't be the proverbial "Warrior" every single day.

10. Live each day to the fullest and remember, you are NOT alone in this fight. We are all sending you good, healthy and strong vibes. 

I had a great chat with Nance this evening and she said they she is all over the place mentally. We both thought that since she was 7 weeks post-chemo that the chemo-brain would back off a bit, but turns out she is still a bit messed up. To which I say:

Pot, meet kettle. 
BJ out!

Birthday Party Fun!

On Saturday, Tim and I threw a birthday party for Riley. Thank goodness for his mom who provided the burgers and the cake (chocolate zucchini - YUM)! 
Here are some pics:

Avers in her new dress with the Strawberry Shortcake balloon from Auntie Jody

Avery and Baby Ella

Papa and the grandkids

Barb-squared

Tim and the Birthday Boy

He was quite enamored with the new police car from Gramma and Papa

Arnie and Jody

Dan and Owen

Paula and Owen

Me and Avery

It was a really nice day, especially considering how sick Riley was the day before.  


Today was a bit of a bummer. It is always a little tough for me coming back to Saskatoon and all the canser-related stuff that comes with it. It is so easy to forget the "C" word when I am with Tim and the kids because we are so busy with them. Then the first day back, it's back to the Canser Clinic and all the sick people there and it's impossible to ignore the reality of it all.  And it's funny, because the LAST thing I want is to LOOK sick in my daily life, but when I am at the clinic, it's almost like I don't belong there. I have my hair, and as glad as I am to so far still have it, I feel guilty when I see all the patients there who have lost theirs. So many of them look so weak and pale, and as much as I am thin and don't feel like I look as healthy as I used to, to people who don't know me I probably look fine. 


That being said, I missed Chantelle and Kristie and the rest of my inner circle and I had a really nice catch-up session with Chantelle at lunch today.  Then I picked Bailey from Myra's and although I had every intention of doing a grocery run, I came home for a "quick" nap that turned into three hours in bed.  


Tomorrow is Chemo #10. Yikes.  I am having a tough time summoning up "Warrior Barbie" tonight, but as a very wise friend of mine pointed out:

The Week in Review

Well everyone, I am home safe and sound, cuddled up in my little bed missing Tim and the kids and Bailey because I don't get to pick her up until tomorrow! The flight was uneventful except for the creepy older couple seated next to me who seemed "this close" to joining the Mile High Club. Seriously? He couldn't keep his meat hooks off her the entire flight. It was wildly uncomfortable, but luckily I was wearing my little pink surgical mask so they couldn't see the look of horror on my face.  Needless to say I spent a good deal of time looking out the window and realized that Saskatchewan really IS as flat as everyone says it is:

Chantelle picked me up from the airport right in the middle of a Mother's Day dinner she was having for her mom, Linda and Kelly's mom, Gerrie. So she invited me back to her house for dessert and Man oh Man, was it fantastic! Grilled cinnamon pineapple and fieldberry cobbler. Hello! I thought I had died and gone to heaven.  (Maybe not the BEST analogy.) That whole grilled pineapple thing might be the best thing I have ever tasted. Yum.
My face and mouth and teeth and gums are aching. I am not telling you this simply to complain about a little pain, (Lord knows I've dealt with my fair share the past months) but to complain about the fact that I have waited ALL WEEK to try the "Magic Mouthwash" prescription I got last week and guess what? I can't get the damn bottle open. Seriously, there is some kind of plunger-thingy in the bottle that makes it a virtual Fort Knox of prescription bottles. It's like putting a child safety lock on arthritis medication - safety before functionality. Awesome.
And now for a recap of the last 4 days - I had a very nice visit with two of my favorite ladies on Thursday afternoon - Linda and Mary, two former colleagues from Janssen, but definitely forever-friends. They have both been so good about keeping in touch with me through all this and it was so good to get together.

Below are some of my favorite pics from the past couple of days spent with Tim and the kids:

Thursday night was "Date Night", so we went for sushi and a movie...

SUCH a fun movie - quite entertaining and I didn't even mind Scarlett Johansson, which is saying SOMETHING, because I typically can't stomach her.

Princess Avery

Daddy and his little girl.

Riley showing off his muscles

Nice day for a swing

Avers wasn't convinced she was going to like mini-golf, but she turned out to be the ringer of the foursome and can't wait to go again.

Poor Riley was still sick and only managed about 12 of the 18 holes, but he was a little trooper.

Birthday party pics to follow....

Happy Mother's Day!

Today I would like to take the opportunity to recognize my Mom and the other ladies in my life who have taken up where she left off.  I am so blessed to have so many amazing "moms" in my life.

15 years and it still feels like yesterday. Love you and miss you Momma.

My Granny on her 80th - oh how I miss those days. 

"My Margaret" - my Aunt who is just like a mom to me...

Dorothy, my step mom...biggest heart in the world.

 

Anne - my former mother-in-law, but she will always be in my heart.

Chantelle's Mom, Linda, who treats me like one of her own.

And last, but not least, my new "M-I-L", Barb, who has been so supportive during this journey.

Happy Mother's Day to all - and thank you so much for everything you have done for me.
Have to head to the airport, will finish later tonight.