Not-So-Happy Anniversary to Me

One year ago today I was diagnosed with canser. Here's a little-known fact and kind of a funny story - I was, how do I put this delicately? Indisposed, powdering my nose, having a little private-time, reading a magazine in the loo ;-) at the exact moment that Dr. Bedi called with the bad news. How ironic is that? Bowel canser...get it? Anyway, I was on a strict liquid diet and 20 pounds lighter than I had been 2 months before. I had been waiting almost two weeks for the results of my biopsy so I was basically carrying my phone everywhere I went because I didn't want to miss the call. Tim, Nancy and Chantelle & Kelly were the first people I spoke to. I remember Tim was at home alone with the kids - poor guy had to keep it together for them and pretend like nothing was wrong.  I texted Nance to tell her that I had JUST joined her little "Canser-Club," she called and we cried together. Chantelle wasn't home when I called her, so I told Kelly and as soon as she got home, he told her to call me. When she asked what was going on, he couldn't speak - just shook his head and said, "You need to call her, now." 

That night, Chantelle, Mar and Roli came by the house. Chantelle made most of my phone calls for me partially because I didn't want to cry, but also because I had a terrible cold and laryngitis at the time. Thank God for her because I don't know what I ever would have done without her, especially in those early days.  Kristie was at work, and I didn't want to upset her there, so Chantelle called Scott and told him so he could tell her when she got home. I remember my brother couldn't stop saying, "F**k, f**k, f**k. For F**K sakes. F**k." Pretty much summed it up for me too - couldn't have said it better myself.  And  believe it or not, by the end of the evening the girls and I were laughing and joking about "Pulling the C-card," which I have done many, MANY times, unabashedly and unapologetically.  In this case membership has very few privileges, but I take advantage when I can.

I'd be lying if I said I don't feel like I am living on borrowed time. The good news is though, that I am feeling pretty good, considering. One year in, and I feel okay physically most days - fatigued and yucky often - but alive. Psychologically, I have good days and bad days. But I haven't gone completely insane yet...which I never would have thought possible in those first few weeks. I have a great many things that I have left to do in this life and I intend to do them. And please believe me when I say that Tim and I are prepared to do whatever we need to to fight this thing - once I get my CT results in the middle of December we will have a better idea what that will be. I will keep you posted.

This weekend was a good opportunity to get my mind off things because we had the kids and they kept us very busy. Friday night we took them to the new 3-D Wreck-It Ralph movie and yesterday we had Riley's soccer first thing, then went to Sears for Christmas portraits, followed by dinner at Burger King and then 2.5 hours freezing our butts off while waiting for and watching the Cambridge Santa Clause parade. Poor Daddy was glad that the kids had a good time...and that's the best thing I can say about his experience. It was a bit of a gong show finding a spot on the parade route, we were frozen and uncomfortable and there were some very rude folks who plopped themselves down right in front of Avery and Riley after we had been waiting for 45 minutes in our spot. I thought Tim was going to snap! But at the end of the day, the kids got to see Santa and that was the most important thing.

Santa and the Missus.

Cold. So cold.

My girls.

Today was a BEAUTIFUL day for a walk...

My sweet little Boober.

SO, this week we are back to reality again with bloodwork and a chemo review tomorrow and chemo on Tuesday in Cambridge.  It should be a pretty quiet week for me, as I will have my chemo pump on from Tuesday to Thursday and I tend to stay home from the kids' activities because I don't want to draw attention to it around them. This may seem pathetic to you but I am looking forward to Monday because we are getting a new upright freezer and a year's supply of organic, drug-free meat delivered from NutraFarms. I am very much looking forward to trying some new recipes and making some old favorites for Tim and the kids. Bring on the slow-cooker!

 

Ice Cream Anyone?

Ok, I need to vent. I know this seems silly with everything that is going on with my health but one thing that is driving me CRAZY is my hair. I know I should be thankful to have it but wow, the three shades are getting to me. I've taken to referring to my hair color as "Neopolitan". My natural grey-mixed roots, then the cinnamon-twix and finally the blonde highlights that have yet to grow out. Sigh. Seriously, take a look at this:

Honestly, what is a girl supposed to do with THAT? And according to my dear, sweet hair stylist Dwayne, my only option is a dark cinnamon wash because it isn't as harsh as any of the other color treatments. This would be bad enough, but because of chemo I can't get:

•  massages
•  manicures
•  pedicures
•  body scrubs
•  body wraps
•  chemical peels
•  eyebrow waxes

And I should avoid:

• pools and/or
• hot tubs

Seriously? How is a girl supposed to relax, unwind and have fun? One thing I know for sure is that one MUST-HAVE in our next house will be a giant jet-tub, complete with mood-lighting and a shelf to hold my non-alcoholic girly-drinks. 

The Pickled Piper

This weekend was a very special one for me...it was the opportunity to get together with some very good friends and re-live old times and have some good belly-laughs. Thanks so much to Joe and Maura for hosting a fantastic weekend in London - the food was A-MAZING, the hospitality was beyond compare and the company was good for my soul. It was so good to FINALLY meet Maura and the kids, and I have to admit, I fell in love with Harley. Olson flew in from Winnipeg, Demers took the train in from Kingston and Erin, Keats, Coup, Tim and I all drove in. We had a fantastic time but man-oh-man - my body is NOT conditioned for this type of behaviour anymore. It took me the majority of Sunday and today to recuperate. I was very lucky to be feeling pretty good this weekend and it made me very nostalgic for the good old Janssen days. As much as we all haven't been together in one room in over 6 years, it was like no time had passed at all. And my tummy still hurts from all the giggles. You guys rock, and I am so lucky to know each and every one of you.

The Canser Connection - as Joe took to calling us.

B-E-N

Tim and his third-favorite-Olson

Keats and Coup

I have to say - I saw a side of Erin that I don't typically see - Maternal Erin...

Dog-lover Erin

Where Joe made the magic happen...

In the kitchen, dancing to Journey. Or Nazareth. We aren't entirely sure. Actually I am. Erin's not.

The Girls

The prohibited PDA

I hate to admit it, but I cheated on Bailey with a beautiful chocolate lab named Harley this weekend...

Demers and Tim - they got along FAMOUSLY for two people who had never met each other before...

Feel the love...

Some "nursing" tips...

Tim's little brother...

Julie - seems very quiet and innocent UNTIL you taste her jello shots...

Who knew he could two-step?

The Pickle Picture - Circa 2006 - Classic Demers

Re-creating the magic...

Sleepless in...Cambridge...

Sigh. That's right - middle of the night and I haven't slept yet. How can one possibly go from 11 hours of sleep one night to 0 the next? Seriously? Tim, (God love him) is snoring like a Mack truck (very unlike him) and I am having heart palpitations. And no, they don't seem to be canser-worry-related. I have been laying in bed thinking about such mundane things as grocery lists, Christmas shopping, cleaning the bathrooms...blah, blah, blah. 

As you are likely aware, I had Chemo #22 on Tuesday. Tim drove me and spent some time with me and then Erin was sweet enough to drive in from Milton again and brighten the room for a few hours with her giggles and BIG HAIR so he could go back to work. Since then I have been feeling pretty good actually, a few hours of bad guts afterward and chemo-brain is BACK but nothing crazy since. I am hoping beyond hope that I can stay feeling good as this upcoming weekend is a big one for me. My dear friend Joe in London is hosting a weekend with many of my JOI and former-JOI friends in attendance. Just like the good old days at Erin and Steve's, except I will be on the sober-side of the festivities. Disappointing from a Saskatchewan girl, I know - but at least I will better remember the shenanigans.  Joe is a fantastic cook, so I am hoping to pack on a few extra pounds. Wish me luck!

I have spent a goodly amount of time researching alternative treatment centres recently, from the CSS Canser Clinics in New York that seem to specialize in Radiation Ablation therapy to a Mexican hospital called the Oasis of Hope that combines chemotherapy with a variety of naturopathic-type treatments meant to make the chemo more effective. I even looked into the Gerson clinic, which seems to have good results but relies heavily on juicing and coffee enemas. And I'm not going to lie, when reading their website the fact that right off the bat they suggest juicing 13 times a day (equivalent to 15lbs of produce per day) and up to 5 COFFEE ENEMAS A DAY, I got a little scared off. Honestly? When on earth would one find time to get off the toilet and LIVE?  Who knows, I may one day eat my words and find myself that desperate, but it hasn't happened yet. But I do want to thank everyone for all your suggestions and stories of hope - they are exactly what I want and need at this time. No more doom and gloom for awhile from this girl, it serves no purpose. 

Take care everyone - time to get some stuff done. I'm awake so why waste time? 

21 Jump Street - I Got Dumb Again!

Well folks, Chemo #21 is behind me and I can't believe that #22 is just around the corner already. My side effects have been a bit better than last time, but that's not saying much. I have had a great deal of fatigue, lots of mouth sores that make eating anything quite agonizing and the neuropathy is back with a vengeance. It doesn't seem to matter how many times I gargle with salt water or mouthwash, how often or how many different  canker sore treatments I apply - the sores don't seem to want to go away. My oncologist suggested that I may have thrush, so I started a prescription medication last night to see if that will work. The other thing is that the chemo brain seems to come and go. Today it came and my ability to form an intelligent sentence went. "I got dumb again" actually came out of my mouth when I couldn't come up with a word that was on the tip of my tongue. Tim howled. Are you shocked?

Chemo #21 was a busy one - I had a LOT of visitors. Thanks to Mar for driving me to the hospital and Sonya for buying me lunch and driving me home. It was nice to have Parch and Mar there at the same time, we three haven't hung out together in years. Kristie and Soph came for a visit, which was great because I don't get to see them nearly enough.
 

Parch and Marlys

Sophie was a hit with the nurses!

Kristie and I were so happy when Kelly (an old friend from school in Prince Albert whom I haven't seen in ten years) brought her daughter Elayna for a visit. Elayna is a very brave little girl who had just been diagnosed with leukemia and was in the hospital having treatments as well.  I so wish our meeting had been the result of better circumstances, but the good news is that she was released last week and is now at home with her family.

Elayna, Kelly and Kris

This week was a very busy one - lots going on with prepping the yard for Hurricane Sandy, the kids and Halloween. Luckily we got very little of the bad weather that Sandy stirred up and Halloween was a success! Turns out Tim is a master pumpkin-carver....who knew?
 

Daddy and Avery scooping the goop...

Riley was a bit alarmed by the pumpkin when it was finished...

Tim - making the magic happen.

The finished product. And I take absolutely NO credit for it.

Below is a picture of the newest addition to my family. My niece Kiana gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl on October 30th at 2:01pm. Mom and baby went home today and are doing well.

Please meet Lexi Rae!

Halloween night was a busy one at our house. Poor Avery wasn't feeling very good, but she rallied long enough to get dressed up as a scary vampire and collect an entire bag of candy...

She's such a ham!

Tim did his very best to convince Riley to wear his knight costume, but he would have none of it                     and was quite happy to be a Police Officer.

What a cutie!

We couldn't very well leave Bailey out, now could we?

Poor thing. Looks like she was eaten by a caterpillar.

I'm sorry, but that's funny.

A. Pretty sure my dog hates me.
B. Give me a break - they were 75% off! The laughs were well worth the $5!
C. I love my dog.