A Port Story

I spent the afternoon at RUH with Kristie getting my new port installed. You'll be surprised to know it wasn't a fun time. What was supposed to be a 45 minute procedure took almost an hour and a half. Something I forgot about RUH - it's a TEACHING hospital.  That means I had a radiology resident teaching another resident how to install a port - with an Attending slipping in and out giving pointers. Add the fact that I have 'superficial veins' and you have a longer than average procedure with about 7 shots of lidocaine and NO GOOFY JUICE!.  It wasn't really that bad while I was on the table until the attending physician instructed the resident to create a pocket for the port by inserting his pinky finger up to the knuckle into my bicep. Seriously? Those of you who know me well know that I am partially deaf in the left ear and to be honest I missed most of what was said because they mumble and are wearing masks, but somehow I managed to catch that little nugget. Awesome. At the end I asked them if it was going to hurt like a bugger tonight when the freezing came out. They said no. They lied.  I am bruised and swollen and every time I pick up something or twist my wrist so that my bicep engages, it does in fact hurt like a bastard. They inserted it in my left arm because it will take two weeks to heal before I can get the stitches out, so they left my PICC line in the right arm. I asked if they insert it into the superior vena cava as well and wouldn't it be getting kind of crowded in there with TWO catheters? Apparently there is lots of room, so not to worry.  Now I have TWO arms all bandaged up and neither can get wet.  Super-frigging-duper. Nancy promises me this is all worth it in the end and that I will love the freedom the port gives me once it heals - so good to have someone who has been through it for commiseration purposes.