As I reflect over the past months, the highs and the lows, the pessimist in me wonders what obstacles today will bring. My mood is somber, not sure if it's the result of left-over dream sequences stuck in my brain, the fact that my CT scan results are still hanging over my head or just the fact that it is mid-March already, spring is in the air and I haven't managed to work up the interest to give a damn. For some reason, I am experiencing a feeling of foreboding and if there is anything this whole experience has taught me, it's that I NEED to follow my gut b/c my intuition tends to be eerily accurate. (Must be the Pisces in me.)
Well, I have no choice but to get out of bed and meet the day head-on. There is so much to do today - lots of chores around the house that have gone by the way-side due to chemo after-effects and a general sense of apathy toward housework. Tim flies in tomorrow night for a quick weekend visit (I cannot wait!), and the perfectionist in me wants a spotless house when he gets here. Lots of errands today and hitting the gym for a workout with Keke, so I will be extra cautious on the roads, will lift with my legs and be sure to screen my calls in an effort to avoid any trouble. (How's that for cautiously optimistic?) ;-)
It's not easy putting on such a brave front, Barb, and being so tough. It means you just have to accept the blue days and let them run their course. You'll surely rebound. Just think of it as refueling. I remember the radical roller coaster emotions and feelings I, too, felt for a couple of years.
ReplyDeleteAs for your sense of foreboding, I do hope your spider senses suck!
Have a lovely weekend with Tim. He'll be looking into your beautiful eyes instead of inspecting corners for dust bunnies.