So far, Chemo Number 12 has been no fun at all. Kristie picked me up and dropped me at the canser clinic where I had to start the day with bloodwork. Then we zipped over to the RUH pharmacy to pick up Emend, my rockstar anti-nausea medication - the only problem being that it is recommended to be taken an hour before the beginning of chemo and I didn`t have that long. This has definitely been the worst treatment with respect to nausea. I haven`t been able to eat much today and as a result am weak as a kitten. And because I am so weak, I haven`t been able to get groceries and just don`t feel like preparing any food. Jeepers I hope this is the last one like this. Who am I kidding - I hope this is the last one period - highly unlikely though.
On a positive note, LInda (Chantelle`s mom) dropped in for a visit with some dainties and then Mike popped in with coffees for all of us. I was really tired and not feeling well, so I don`t think I was much fun to see. Sorry guys, I will be better in 4-5 days.
I have FINALLY gotten a date for my next CAT scan - next Wednesday the 20th, with results likely being communicated to me the following Monday the 25th at my appointment with my oncologist. There is no way I can communicate to you how very difficult this time is for me. Looking forward to but having to wait for a current indication of whether or not one`s current treatment plan is working is one of the hardest things a canser patient can go through. The - Not Knowing - is enough to make you insane. Every new side effect, like the chest pains, back and flank pain, shortness of breath, dizziness and blurred vision that I experienced last week left me wondering if those little bastard mets have decided to take up residence in my spine, lungs or brain. But then Kristie reminds me that her mom`s cancer had metastasized to her liver and she was given 18 months to live - AND NOW SHE IS 5-YEARS CANSER-FREE. Good girl. Those are the exact reminders I need to stay positive right now. Love you Kris - thanks for always being there fro me. You rock.
The waiting ... it's awful. Wondering. And yes, every little new pain or ache ... is it more canser? I still go through this, Barb. It's only been recently that I'm finally getting fewer phantom inexplicable aches and pains. Nobody can explain them to me but I think they're related to the chemo and radiation treatments. Still, I don't understand how it is that they come and go.
ReplyDeleteFor a long time after chemo, I had a tender part on my head ... it felt like a bruise at the back and slightly to the left ... that was always kind of there. Sometimes it would get worse, feeling like I'd been hit in the back of the head with a bat. It would be really sore for about a week and then would slowly fade back to the usual "tender when touched" state, which took all the pleasure out of going to a hair salon because the usual hair washing and scalp massage hurt too much.
Two and a half years after chemo and that sore spot (and others) have finally mostly faded away. Occasionally there will be some tenderness in those spots but not lasting. I still don't understand it. I'm just glad it's not there anymore because it always made me wonder if it was brain cancer (in that case) or in other cases ... bone cancer, or cancer in my chest wall ... or wherever the inexplicable pain was. Know you're not alone in these thoughts and fears.
Last Friday, Barb, I did the relay for life for the first time. It was a very moving experience and the many survivors were celebrated! I met many people who were living well beyond their doctors' expectations! And living well, too! Those are such good stories to hear. I hang on to those, too. I hope you'll join me next year when you'll surely have more energy and will be feeling better. Keep in mind ... there is free Tim Horton's coffee and hot chocolate! Now there's a lure!
So, canser-be-damned! That scan simply MUST be good news. Now ... say ohmmmmmm ....
Heather,
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you how very much your comments mean to me - you are always so insightful and full of positivity. It's so good to hear that I am not alone with my fears. And the idea of walking with you at the Relay for Life next year gave me tears - I can't think of a better goal. Thank you my dear friend, thank you.
Hey, Barb. Just thinking about your CAT scan tomorrow and want you to know that I am sending you positive energy from Ontario! Also want you to know that you have been such a source of inspiration to me that I started a blog of my own to recount my own personal journey with colon cancer (http://davidbenjaminbrown.blogspot.ca/). I even quote your "Bring it On!" as a war cry for us battlers. Thank you, Barb for being such a source of strength and inspiration.
ReplyDeleteI will be thinking of you tomorrow (and the days following) and send a huge hug over the Internet.