Not-So-Happy Anniversary to Me

One year ago today I was diagnosed with canser. Here's a little-known fact and kind of a funny story - I was, how do I put this delicately? Indisposed, powdering my nose, having a little private-time, reading a magazine in the loo ;-) at the exact moment that Dr. Bedi called with the bad news. How ironic is that? Bowel canser...get it? Anyway, I was on a strict liquid diet and 20 pounds lighter than I had been 2 months before. I had been waiting almost two weeks for the results of my biopsy so I was basically carrying my phone everywhere I went because I didn't want to miss the call. Tim, Nancy and Chantelle & Kelly were the first people I spoke to. I remember Tim was at home alone with the kids - poor guy had to keep it together for them and pretend like nothing was wrong.  I texted Nance to tell her that I had JUST joined her little "Canser-Club," she called and we cried together. Chantelle wasn't home when I called her, so I told Kelly and as soon as she got home, he told her to call me. When she asked what was going on, he couldn't speak - just shook his head and said, "You need to call her, now." 

That night, Chantelle, Mar and Roli came by the house. Chantelle made most of my phone calls for me partially because I didn't want to cry, but also because I had a terrible cold and laryngitis at the time. Thank God for her because I don't know what I ever would have done without her, especially in those early days.  Kristie was at work, and I didn't want to upset her there, so Chantelle called Scott and told him so he could tell her when she got home. I remember my brother couldn't stop saying, "F**k, f**k, f**k. For F**K sakes. F**k." Pretty much summed it up for me too - couldn't have said it better myself.  And  believe it or not, by the end of the evening the girls and I were laughing and joking about "Pulling the C-card," which I have done many, MANY times, unabashedly and unapologetically.  In this case membership has very few privileges, but I take advantage when I can.

I'd be lying if I said I don't feel like I am living on borrowed time. The good news is though, that I am feeling pretty good, considering. One year in, and I feel okay physically most days - fatigued and yucky often - but alive. Psychologically, I have good days and bad days. But I haven't gone completely insane yet...which I never would have thought possible in those first few weeks. I have a great many things that I have left to do in this life and I intend to do them. And please believe me when I say that Tim and I are prepared to do whatever we need to to fight this thing - once I get my CT results in the middle of December we will have a better idea what that will be. I will keep you posted.

This weekend was a good opportunity to get my mind off things because we had the kids and they kept us very busy. Friday night we took them to the new 3-D Wreck-It Ralph movie and yesterday we had Riley's soccer first thing, then went to Sears for Christmas portraits, followed by dinner at Burger King and then 2.5 hours freezing our butts off while waiting for and watching the Cambridge Santa Clause parade. Poor Daddy was glad that the kids had a good time...and that's the best thing I can say about his experience. It was a bit of a gong show finding a spot on the parade route, we were frozen and uncomfortable and there were some very rude folks who plopped themselves down right in front of Avery and Riley after we had been waiting for 45 minutes in our spot. I thought Tim was going to snap! But at the end of the day, the kids got to see Santa and that was the most important thing.

Santa and the Missus.

Cold. So cold.

My girls.

Today was a BEAUTIFUL day for a walk...

My sweet little Boober.

SO, this week we are back to reality again with bloodwork and a chemo review tomorrow and chemo on Tuesday in Cambridge.  It should be a pretty quiet week for me, as I will have my chemo pump on from Tuesday to Thursday and I tend to stay home from the kids' activities because I don't want to draw attention to it around them. This may seem pathetic to you but I am looking forward to Monday because we are getting a new upright freezer and a year's supply of organic, drug-free meat delivered from NutraFarms. I am very much looking forward to trying some new recipes and making some old favorites for Tim and the kids. Bring on the slow-cooker!